ˈself\-ri-ˈflek-shən (Self Reflection)

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Welp… Here’s a topic I’ve tried my entire life to avoid. You know the one where I have to reflect on me, and think about everything negative about MYSELF. It’s so easy to point out what’s wrong with everyone else. I mean who really wants to criticize themselves ? NO ONE !

So as I stand here typing this (yes standing, seeing as though I am currently at work with these thoughts), I must self-reflect. I’m no life guru, I’m only putting MY life into perspective…So please read with a cautious eye..

Who Am I?

Naturally, we start off with our life titles.. Example: I am a wife, Husband, mother, student, businessman, career woman.. But is that really all we are? Let me actually define who I am.

::I am a human that has flaws::

MANY flaws to be exact. I have a {Bad Temper} that yes I should seek help for, but I don’t because that will mean I “Really” have a problem. It’s not a life or death temper, but it is something that can hinder any friendship/relationship.

On top of having a bad temper, I’m also insecure. Yep! It’s true. As much as I would LOVE to blame my insecurities on the Ex that cheated, or the girl that stole “MY” man, or even the new standard of beautiful….. I can’t. My insecurities come from “ME”. My insecurities come from the fact that I have longed for things that just aren’t MEANT to be mine.. I’m sure you wanna know what I mean::

  • Long Hair- Funny right since I just cut my hair off.. I guess I was at that point that I knew it would never be the thick and long hair I’d always wanted, so I’d just chop it off and it’d make everything all better… WRONG! Here I am still complaining to Brandon about how short my hair is.  To the point that I’ve worn braids all summer.
  • Big Boobs- Why? No real answer honestly… I figured that’d make anybody want me more. Or any woman envy me more.
  • A bad ass car- I have wanted a range rover for forever..  If you asked me why, I’d say “Because I like it”. I guess I’ve never really thought about that. I mean would I like the expensive ass maintenance? What does it do for me, that my little Chevy Cruze doesn’t? Ooh I know.. Get me more attention. UNNEEDED attention.

I could literally go on all day about this…But the biggest flaw::

Indecisiveness

One minute I want this…Next minute I want That.. That’s not the issue though. The issue is somehow I believe “That” is better than “This”. My best-friends mom was literally the eye opener for me because I just C A N ‘ T make a damn decision.

  1. I thought moving to Texas would be better than living up north. Although it is, (my opinion) I have found reasons as to why Indiana is better than Texas.
  2. I wanted to be married as much as my husband. So why have I contemplated being single instead of being married.
  3. I’ve been going to school since I started college for Hospitality and Tourism Management, so why in the middle of my college career did I decide I wanted to go to school for marketing, instead of Hospitality and Tourism Management?
  4. Why have I yearned the attention of people that don’t give AF about me?

No matter how many ways I try to write these things, they all seem to come back to my insecurities. I’ll admit:: I’M SCARED! Im scared of everything unknown. I’m scared of making a mistake. I’m scared of making a decision. I’m scared to “FAIL”.

I know who I am now:: I am scared shitless of life, indecisive AF and afraid of failure.

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?

What defines you? What are you afraid of? |Comment your answers| Yes you can be anonymous. Someone out there is just like you.