I haven’t written a blog in some time and let’s just say I was still in desperate need of some healing. I’m human and the one thing I needed to remember was to heal. With healing comes most humans biggest fear.. loneliness. I have tried my hardest to understand why we’re so afraid of being alone. I attempted a relationship for about 6 months and B A B Y, just like my therapist said.,🗣MY ASS WAS NOT READY lol. I still had/have so much aggression in my heart from my marriage and it’s like when the hell does this shit finally go away? Crazy thing is that it won’t disappear until I heal myself. I’ve found myself just having random breakdowns and even though I wanted to stop myself from crying, I knew I just had to let it out. I’ve cried in the car, in the bed, in the shower, mainly anywhere I had time to think which is why I try so hard to stay busy. But who can really keep busy that long? I knew there were things I needed to address that I couldn’t repress any longer.
Again…..healing myself means being alone. I’ve found so much peace and comfort in being alone it’s almost like why TF haven’t I done this sooner? Being in your own thoughts, moving at your own pace and living on your own time is damn near magical. Have you ever went to the movies by yourself or even grabbed food alone? I’ll admit it’s weird AF because as people we naturally want someone else there but it’s hella liberating knowing you can do it alone.
One of the most important pieces of being alone and healing is to have people that support that growth in you. When you have negative ninjas😂 around you that don’t understand the direction you’re trying to take in life, it will knock you back 5 steps. It will completely have you second guessing if you’re making the right decision. My best friend Kayla bought me a book. It’s called “The Power of Being Thankful by Joyce Meyer” and she always buys lil corny stuff that I’m like girl what is this 💀😂. But when she bought me that book it was super dope to me because it’s like you’re supporting my healing and that’s the type of energy needed to finish this journey.
I say all of that to say this:: When you recognize in your life that your shit isn’t right 🗣FIX IT! Stop waiting on the next person to prepare you and convince you that you’re ready. The only thing about healing and fixing yourself is that you have to be mentally ready and fed up with the direction your life is going in. It’s just like being in a toxic relationship. People can tell you everyday to get your life together, but until you’re fed up, it is going to go in one ear and out the other.
My cousin Ryan and I have these deep conversations all the time. I’ll call him about something happening in my life and he will just hit me with the “But you already know what you should do”. I hate when he says that because it’s true. Most of the time we KNOW what decision we should make, but because we are scared to implement the change necessary, we continue living a life we are unhappy in.
From this point forward…No matter what anyone will think, live your life for you.
IT IS YOUR TIME TO HEAL! IT IS YOUR TIME TO LIVE!
TAKE THAT FIRST STEP!
What aspect of your life do you need healing from?
Have you accepted that you need healing? What have you done to begin the healing? What can you do to start healing?