Dear Diary: I met you at the wrong time…..

Someone asked me if it’s possible to meet someone at the wrong time. Quickly I answered yes. I met a man when I was 21, who gave me all of the knowledge and tools to be great and successful. But what can you really tell a 21 year old? I took everything he told me as him trying to control me and now at 27, i’m like damn I should have listened. I haven’t had another man in my corner like that since him lol.. Maybe it’s karma, who knows. Every relationship / situationship after him has been absolute trash.


When I say he kept my gas on full, kept my stomach full, and my brain filled with knowledge. It was all something I wasn’t used to. Truly something I wasn’t ready for or able to appreciate. When I dropped out of college, he went OFF lol. I’m like chill bro, you’re acting like my dad. He left me this real long voicemail telling me how I was making a huge mistake by dropping out and I remember listening to it, like who does he think he is?


Today, I sit back and I reflect on it, as it’s one of my most painful memories. The man is doing great for himself and has made it through obstacles that many people would have folded from. I remember seeing him on the Steve Harvey show and I just started breaking down. I sat there for a second trying to understand why I was breaking down. I knew it wasn’t because he was on T.V.


I knew I was crying because he was brought into my life for me to know what it was like to be treated like a queen. He was brought into my life to set a standard. A standard that I have ignored since I was 21. I have allowed men to use me, belittle me, and take everything I have. I don’t even make men date me, when this man would take me on a date damn near every other weekend lol. Like where did my morals go?!

Jay,

I don’t know that you’ll ever read this…But I want to thank you for always being a rock in my life, even though you’re no longer in my life. You’ve given me a foundation and set a standard for myself that I must learn to follow. I know that the path I’ve taken with the men I’ve dated has disappointed you. Me being so young, there was no way I understood the woman you saw in me. From day one, you had a vision and you stuck to it, I wish I could say the same. Continue to be the great man I know you are. Keep your foot on these niggas necks and make that money boo.

Sincerely,

Ebonee’